Ok folks.... This is my first, so it is short, sweet, and to the point, like many other firsts, it is messy, a long time in coming, and not as great as you thought it would be. This column now that it is in publication has what I think is a novel concept. You call it. You E-mail me telling me what you would like me to write about each week, or every other week (depending on how many people submit), and I will pick on of your topics and write about it. Guaranteed. No matter how lame the topic... or how hard, I will cover it thoroughly. So send those E-mails and I'll get the ball rolling here.



Without Further Ado..



Welcome to the new millennium: Big fucking deal.



Some say that you will all remember where you were and what you were doing 12:00am Jan 1st 2000. I was sipping champagne, hoping that there would be world wide disaster. The only thing thing I will remember about that night, was my disappointment. No earthquakes, no nuclear bombs, no chemical warfare, no religious miracle, not even a power outage or two. Nostradamus was a hack... that bastard.

So as we usher in a new millennium, I want you to realise that this time the human species' uncanny aptitude for survival has conversely screwed us. Maybe that sounds contradictory or even insane but hear me out. We spent an inordinate amount of time securing ourselves against disaster, we succeeded we survived despite any real (or imagined) danger. Hooray. Another thousand years of this society is just what this planet needs. See, had something interesting, nay immensely destructive happened, the human race could have conceivable been set back 1000 years or so.

Those of you sitting there saying, "Ohmigod that would be terrible..." Stop reading now, simpleton. Terrible? Ha! I could think of a million reasons for the human race to start over (see also: flame board). But hold on, I'm getting ahead of myself. So, by preventing our own destruction we in fact ensuring it. Wouldn't it be preferable to take a big step back and progress again than to take two steps forward and die? Me, I don't care. The human race can take a collective rush hour nose dive off the nearest overpass for all I care. It's the principal of the thing, really. It's just another frustration, watching society scamper, ignorant of the danger they are crafting in the act of self preservation. The irony is stinging.

Nature has a natural order, or if the word nature gets your feathers ruffled... society, If that order is interrupted by anything, a natural balance is disrupted. I.E. The proverbial shit hits the fan. It is my belief that society, human beings, if you will, have developed the technology, and the manpower, to overrule society's natural process. (anarchy > monarchy > I forget > republic... etc.) WE now are free to wallow in what we now consider to be best for ourselves. *I* don't think that this is such a good thing. How do you think society is getting along? Pretty shitty? Yeah. So we piddle along, stagnating in blissful ignorance. All the while making more and more a mess of things.

In finality.... All I have to say is this. Welcome to a new millennium... another thousand years of child-abusing pop stars, hypocritical governments, corrupt self serving institutions abound, murdered children, shitty bands, and whining cynical bastards like me. Looking good so far? Happy fucking new year.