All right boys and girls, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. It's time to announce the big winner of the "What is Smjor?" contest. Haha. Suckers, the contest was over almost before it started. About half an hour after the column went up I received an email from Dominique with the correct answer. Yay Dominique. I guess that'll teach you guys to keep up on my column a little better. :) Anyway, for those of you who never figured it out, Smjor is Icelandic for butter. So, appropriately enough, Dominique will receive her very own Icelandic dictionary. I'm sure she's so excited she's going to wet her pants. I have divided the rest of you up into three groups. The people who would have won if Dominique wasn't such a know it all, those of you who were kind of right, but not right enough, and those of you who had no clue what the hell was going on. Feel free to laugh at the people in that last list, but only if you actually submitted something. If you were among the many pussies that didn't even bother to try an answer, then you are not only a loser, but you're damn lazy too, and you have no right to be laughing at anybody.

Look mom, we're winners!
Ripe-with-decay
El.presidente
Eddie
Haltse
Viator


Purgatory
Largo
qx9
Smartguy (not so smart, eh?)
Mephistopheles
Reibesome


Loooosers!
Dirtygemini
Georgekrisp
Augdog
Johnsey
Bjcustard
Inspecthergadget
Dirtygemini (yes, he was wrong twice)
Fuckena
Hanoverfistubitch
Darythd
Ventrue

Okay, enough with all of that. Let's try some advice, shall we? This week's topic is nice guys. It seems that everyone is whining about being a nice guy and getting taken advantage of. I've been getting emails about it, and it's all over the boards (yes, I do read the boards, fools.) I'm sick of hearing the whining. All you nice guys complain about how you get taken advantage of. Welcome to the club. Nice girls get taken advantage of too. It's nothing special to just your sex. Anyway...



Q: Okey, don't I feel cheesy for stressing over this, but hey, that's what it's for, eh? I'm 19 years old, college sophomore, and I guess I'm fairly attractive.....due to the college setting though, most girls go for the Abercrombie & Fitch types (generally walking blobs of testosterone in other words)....now, I didn't really go to parties with the intention of getting laid or anything, but being trapped in 'Mr. Nice Guy' mode 24/7 is fucking with my mind. Most times when I talk to women under the intentions of starting some kind of relationship, I try and stay within the walls of 'being a gentleman' way too much (Damned French-Canadien upbringing) so I end up with really good ladyfriends who call me up and complain to me when their frat-rat boyfriend gets caught sleeping around....I guess what it adds up to is how the hell do I break out of this constant nice shit?

A: I would advise not breaking out of the "nice shit" completely. What you need to do is just be a little more... forward, shall we say? When you are wooing these girls, be honest. Tell them that you would very much like to get them into bed, but that you are more than willing to take them out to dinner a few times before you actually attempt to get in their pants. But don't lose the nice guy attitude completely because it really is a charming trait in guys.


Q: Dear Smjor,
Have you ever slept with a guy? No, not intercourse. I mean 'slept' with a guy. Laid down, and just feel asleep next to someone with whom you share the same intimate feelings with. Now my second question to you is, why do I feel that same thing with a girl I don't know as well would lead to just another "good friend"? I do enjoy the opposite sex having the faith to be honest and sincere with me, but in almost all cases with all of the girls that I have met it usually turns into " He's to good a friend" or " He's to nice". So does that mean it's time to start being an asshole, which seems to attract so many women? I guess that's another thing I'll never understand.... some of these guys I see everyday are such dicks to their devoted girlfriends/wifes, but the girlfriend/wife just puts up with it. Is it the roller coaster of emotions that's so appealing?

A: Yes smart-ass, I have slept with someone (not intercourse.) Not that it's any of your business. Secondly, I'm going to tell you what I told the guy above. Don't turn into an asshole, because although it may get you the chicks, everyone will hate you. That's it. I'm not going to waste anymore on this question because it's pretty much the same as the one above and I don't really have a whole lot of sympathy for you all.


Q: i have a problem.......the problem is that i have a hard time not being nice. Sometimes im so nice that i rufuse money for somthing i did. This i know is just kindness. But (sorry about the bad english grammer but all i have to say about the english language is that it sucks thanks)sometimes i cant be mean to those that really dont deserve my kindness or even a smidgen of niceness. I have been told that i let people use me and walk all over me. I hope you can give me some advice. . . . . . . . . . .

A: Now you are someone I have genuine sympathy for. Guys like you are the kind of guys I just want to take home and make soup for. You constantly get shat upon by everyone, not just girlfriends, but everyone. You always do things for other people, but never accept the favours back. It breaks my heart. What you need to do is be more assertive. Notice that I didn't say nastier, or more selfish, but just more assertive. Maybe get one of those self-help books or something. Or therapy. Something to help you realize what you are entitled to in life. And for the love of god, when someone offers you money, take it, whether you've done something to deserve it or not.