OK, first of all I would just like to say that I didn't cheat on the "guess what Smjor means" contest. I'm just honestly and naturally smart. *cough, cough* OK, maybe not, but I still didn't cheat. I really did figure it out all by my lonesome. The second thing I would like to cover goes out to those of you who didn't agree to me. I'm usually not a bitch in this column, but I'm going to be this time because it's late and I'm in a bad fucking mood right now. I'm glad that you sent me your opinion. I'm not glad that you took that comment so personally. I didn't direct it at anyone but the sender and some of you seriously need to look at yourselves and get a little less defensive. You peoples' defensiveness will inevitably turn into offensiveness that is not pretty in our little world that we live in today. And then you'll get comments like this from me. To those of you who responded in a tactful critical manner, I commend you. You are the type that will actually go somewhere in life. Another note. I am the SEX advice columnist. Nothing more, nothing less. Sex, sex and more sex. Oops... Well, you get the point.

Q: I have problems "getting it up" for sex. I'm not impotent, as I often get erections and masturbate. what should I do?

A: This is kind of off the subject, but my brother's friend recently went to Mexico and brought back viagra for some STRANGE reason that I haven't figured out just yet. They are curious how it will affect someone who has absolutely no problem "getting it up". Something I couldn't answer for them. If any of you have tried this, or have any ideas, please feel free to give me your insight on this subject. Anyway, now to your question. A lot of times guys will get "cold feet" when it comes to actually performing sex with another person. They get nervous, self conscious, worried. Any number of things could factor into this. I recently met a guy from Kansas City that wanted advice because he passed out every time he wanted to have sex. He just passed out. I gave him the exact advice I'm giving you. You are most likely able to masturbate because it's you. You know you and you've lived with you all of your life so there's no need to be worried around you or be concerned about your own performance. As I always say, talk to your partner. Talk about sex. Get more sexually comfortable with them. Then go for it. Good luck!

Q: Me and my girlfriend have decided to become rather adventurous in our sexual activity. As a result we have been trying many new sexual positions and haven't been able to figure a few out (some just work for one partner). I was wondering if you could recommend some good books to further our knowledge so we can do it properly.

A: Ahh, my long awaited question. Ever heard of Kama Sutra? An ancient way, I'm sure you'd easily be able to find many books and literature on Kama Sutra. If you are short on cash, you can always look it up on the lovely internet. Other ancient styles to look into are: The early Egyptians, Native Americans, India, Africa, etc. There are endless possibilities. My suggestion is to try them all. You can't go wrong by just trying.

Q: How do I get my partner to enjoy giving me oral sex?

A: Plain and simply, you don't. I'm sorry. Not all people enjoy everything. There is so much to offer in the sexual world, I'm sure you can find something else that pleases you. But... if you absolutely MUST have oral sex, somethings you should consider is how they feel about it. If they honestly don't want to give you oral sex, trying and trying without change in the situation isn't going to help much. Talk to them about why it is that they feel this way. Maybe they're simply not ready? Maybe they feel uncomfortable? Maybe they fell pressured into it? You could also try pleasing your partner while they are giving you oral sex. Sometimes this is difficult. Just use your imagination.

Q: I've been dating the same girl for over a year now, I'm 20 and she's 18, and I used to think our sex life was okay, but in the past four months it seems like she's not interested anymore. Don't get me wrong, our relationship is fine. It's just the sex thing. It seems as if though she never wants to have sex. It's not only that, it seems she doesn't even want to screw around. And when I finally get some, which is once a month, it seems she's only doing it because I want her to, not because she wants to. I'm really getting sick of being turned down by my girlfriend all the time. What should I do???????

A: This seems quite logical, and maybe you've tried this already. If she's turning you down. ASK HER WHY!!! She's the only one who's gonna be able to tell you why it is that she doesn't want to be as sexually active or what it is that is bothering you. I'm sure that she'll be more than impressed with the fact that you are actually asking her about it and talking about the situation will probably smooth things over also. She might have something all built up inside her that she hasn't offered to tell you. If you ask her, she might. I seem to say this a lot, but I firmly believe that if you're going to solve anything like this, it has to be through communication.

A quick final note. To those of you that have had your questions or concerns answered by me: If it's not too much to ask, please e-mail me back and tell me if I was at all helpful or not. If my advice sucked, tell me! I need to know these things. Well... OK, I would like to know these things. If I gave you good advice, I'd also like to know that. This is why I'm here. To help those of you that want or need it. I'd like to know if I'm actually helping. Thanks! Have a good week, everyone!