The dreams are all he has at times. They taunt him with images of intimate friendship, good times with good people, and a life full of love... all the things missing from his waking life.

So it is that each day's waking causes Kai pain that is almost physical- a tearing away from that world of brightness and hope that he visits each night and a return to the seeming futility of "the real world".

Today is no different- the morning is torn asunder by the shrill blaring of Kai's alarm clock at 11 a.m. He shuts it off with all the grace of an automaton, rising to consciousness only with the utmost reluctance.

Another day has begun. La-dee-fuckin'-da.

As always, Kai debates whether or not he could get just one more hour... but he eventually decides to rise and face down this day as he has thousands before it.

Joints crack as he rises from his bed. He stands in his small room, dark and cave-like even so close to noon, lit only by a blacklight and the few slivers of sunlight that dare to disturb his sanctuary. Surrounded by amplifiers and guitars, he stretches and moans. "Fuck," he says. His most popular first word to start any given day.

Stumbling on unwieldy stalks of legs, he manages to careen across the hall into the bathroom, tending to the necessary day's first urination. Moments later, a flush is heard- the only sound in the house. All other living things that reside in the house have long since departed for the day, save for the multitude of spiders that infest the insides of the walls. One of them hangs from the ceiling of the bathroom, staring at Kai through its many eyes with malevolent hunger.

"Hello," Kai says to it, then goes to the living room to find a heavy object. Phone book. Grab. Back to the bathroom. Spider. A whoosh of air. A wet crunch.

"Die, fucker," Kai growls, pulling the phone book away from the wall to reveal a wet, dark stain on the wall. He tosses the phone book aside, not caring where or how it lands.

He looks in the mirror now. Squinting green eyes stare back at him accusingly. "Why the fuck did you wake me up today?" his reflection seems to ask him harshly.

"Fuck you, too," Kai tells the mirror. "Fuck you too," his reflecton says simultaneously.

Long, unkempt blond hair hangs in his face, flat and dead looking after eight hours of being crushed beneath his heavy, sleeping head. He brushes it aside, and it is at that point that he notices the Scar on his arm.

It is a small scar, faded and barely noticeable. A tiny indentation in the arm, a faint puncture mark. Another smaller scar lies a few inches away.

He looks at his opposite arm, at the inside of the wrist. A similar small indentation lies there, a small scar that would be missed if one did not know where to look for it. He flexes his hand experimentally, as if to assure himself that it still works.

Standing in the bathroom in an empty house, he closes his eyes. Immediately, images begin to assail his senses- the perfectly intact, fresh-as-yesterday memories of that day, so many years ago...

---

It was a bright, hot August day. Waves of heat danced off the roads as the sun did its best to bake the land dry. The air hung heavy and lifeless, with not even a hint of a breeze to stir it. No one was mowing lawns this afternoon; no children played cheerfully with panting dogs in grassy green front lawns; no cars drove down the sticky asphalt roads. No one in their right mind would want to be out in this shit- it was just too damned hot.

The 15-year-old boy walking down the road that blistering afternoon was not in his right mind. He had a heat inside him that had been burning unchecked for months, a fire that distracted him from everything save a face and a name . . . and her name was Cassie.

Kai closed his eyes and lifted his head to the sky, savoring the heat. It reminded him of the Middle East, where he'd lived for a few years- only not nearly as hot. He wasn't even sweating in the dry, 110 degree air; it just wasn't affecting him nearly as much as . . . her.

Cassie- how that name thrilled him! The first time he'd seen her, he'd known that she was something special. How could anyone so beautiful be anything else? For the last three months of school, his every spare thought had been of her, his every smile reserved for her and her alone. His last thought before sleeping was her deep blue eyes, his first thought upon waking her silky blond hair. He hung upon her every word as if it were the singing of angels, and her laughter was the highlight of his darkest days.

All those months Kai had struggled with himself, wishing he could muster up the courage to talk to her. Each day that had passed was like an eternity, with his inner self screaming at him to do something, to go talk to her, to say hi, anything! It took him until the last day of school to do it, when he had clumsily asked her if she had a boyfriend, then stupidly just told her out of nowhere that he liked her. He hadn't been able to gauge her reaction. He was just too far gone to be able to think clearly. Logic would have told him to give up long ago, but logic breaks down quickly under the torrential downpour of teenage testosterone.

So it was that on this hot summer day, Kai was walking to her house to say hi. To tell her all the things he'd always wanted to say, to lay his soul bare before her, and place his heart in her hands to do with it as she would. Anyone could have told him it was a bad idea; in fact, several people already had, including several of his closest friends.

But Kai didn't listen to them. What did they know? He loved her, he was sure of it. Everything would turn out all right in the end.

He rounded the last corner and saw her trailer, and its fenced-in front yard. He'd been here once before, about a month ago. He knew that within that yard was one of the most enormous dogs he'd ever seen, a mammoth of a Rottweiler. The dog had done nothing his last visit but sniff Kai's hand, grunt in seeming acceptance, then lie down on the porch. Kai had knocked on the door, and was allowed in the house. He'd talked to Cassie for a few minutes, but didn't remember anything that was said. Just inconsequential teenager stuff...

Kai went over and over in his head what he was going to say to her today. Everything he said to himself sounded half-brained and stupid, even to himself. But he was done feeling helpless- he would say something. He figured that love would find a way. That's the way life worked, wasn't it?

He reached her driveway, noticed her brother's car. Good, at least someone was home. He'd hate to think that the two mile journey had been wasted.

He walked up to the gate, with its sign: BEWARE OF DOG. He smiled. The dog had accepted him the last time he was here. Besides, all animals liked him, as long as he was nice to them in turn. His next door neighbor had had a similar Rottweiler named Axel, who had played with Kai endlessly that summer, letting Kai throw tennis balls for him, then letting him wrestle them right out of the dog's mouth. Kai missed Axel; he was sorry to see the dog move away.

Kai lifted the latch on the gate, and swung it open. He stepped through, turned around and closed it behind himself, then turned back to make his way to the front door.

He heard a muffled *woof* and the sound of claws scrabbling on a hardwood deck . . .

A brown and black streak sailed through the air, slamming into him like a derailed freight train, knocking Kai back against the outer wall of the trailer. The giant dog began lunging at Kai's face, impossibly huge fangs questing for his throat. Kai threw his arms up before his face instinctively, trying his best to fend off the vicious attack.

Kai screamed as he felt a stabbing sensation in his arm. The dog began barking savagely, pinning him against the trailer with its forepaws, its brown eyes telling Kai only one thing: kill you, kill you, KILL YOU . . .

Parts of Kai's mind simply shut down. The pain disappeared, the heat was no concern. His life had suddenly come down to basic survival. He had to fend this animal off, or he was going to die. It was that simple.

He began screaming at it, slapping at the dog's snapping jaws as it lunged for him. The enraged animal did not relent. Its ferocity only increased.

Kai heard frantic footsteps then, and a girl's voice: "CUJO! DOWN!!!"

Simultaneously, Kai realized two things: one, Cassie was here- good, he could talk to her. Two- Cujo. Cujo? CUJO?!?

Cassie's brother wrangled the dog away and into the house. He told Kai to wait outside the gate. Kai, the oddly calm center of the sudden melee, opened the gate and walked outside. Cassie followed him.

Kai began talking to her- "Hi, what's up, how've you been," that sort of thing. He was strangely calm at the moment, even when Cassie pointed out the rivulets of blood running down his arms. "Oh yeah," he replied nonchalantly, staring at the bright red streamers, the darker red of the holes in his arms. "I guess he got me good, huh?"

Moments later, Cassie's parents drove up and into the driveway. The father looked at Kai with sharp, critical eyes. Cop, Kai knew instantly, without knowing how he knew that. The tone of the man's voice confirmed it. "Didn't you see the sign, kid? Did you see the sign?"

Kai had seen the sign, he told him... but the dog didn't do this before. The man shook his head in disgust. "Let's get him inside," he said to his wife. "Get him cleaned up."

Dazed, Kai began walking toward the gate. "NO, NOT THAT WAY!" the mother screamed, diverting him from the yard where the dog was still hunting, still barking hungrily. Kai turned to her. "Follow me," she commanded, and Kai blankly obeyed.

Inside the house, Cassie's mother attended to Kai's wounds. "Why didn't you go through the back door?" she asked him, voice full of pity.

Kai pondered this for a moment. "I don't know," he admitted. "I guess I'll have to remember that next time."

Moments later, a policeman showed up to take Kai's statement. Kai sat in the disorganized dining area/kitchen of the trailer, still bleeding through the wet washcloths he had on his arms. Cassie showed him scars she herself had received from the dog. The policeman began to ask questions.

Kai's only thoughts were of Cassie, and how he didn't want her or her family to get in trouble for his own carelessness. So he told the cop taking the statement that he had nothing against the dog, that it was just doing its job, and Kai claimed full responsibility for what had happened. Pen moved against paper as the cop nodded.

Kai tried to call his house, but no one answered. Cassie's brother took Kai to his car, and in total silence they drove back to his house. Kai thanked her brother, stepped from the car, and walked up to his mother, outside hanging clothes on the line.

He walked up and smiled at her. "Mom, I need to go to the hospital. I got attacked by a dog."

She laughed. He must be playing a joke on her. Then she saw the blood.

Kai's mother screamed . . .

---

Kai opens his eyes, but the playback continues. He remembers the frantic ride to the emergency room, the novocaine needle inserted into the largest of the bite wounds, the tiny piece of flesh hanging out of that hole that had to be cut out of him forever. He remembers when hours later, the pain had finally caught up with him...

It was the weirdest birthday he'd ever had.

He looks at the Scar again, remembering the price of youthful obsession. He hadn't truly loved Cassie, he now knew. When he finally had gotten to know her, he'd found that all the things he'd thought had made her special as a person were mere... window dressing. There was nothing more to her than a pretty face- and years later, when he saw her again after a long absence from home, he found that even that was gone.

That was how he learned the difference between obsession and love.

Kai smirks ruefully at his unkempt reflection. Just another hard-learned lesson in the life of an asshole, he thinks grimly.

Another day has begun. La-dee-fuckin'-da.