[whiterabbit.jpg] [greys-arm.jpg] [falchion-nekkid.jpg] [grey-ducttape.jpg]

ehh. This column is going to be a bit fucked up, because I'm kinda hung over from codeine, and I'm not actually typing. And my girlfiend won't shut up (Smjor: Fuck you.).

Day 2:
what did we do yesterday? Shit, I can't remember what we did yesterday. We were all about to get gothed out, because for some reason, we thought it would be cool. We got up, there was a slight deluge occuring: it was a rain event. (Falchion, quit fondling oZ while he's typing this.) We didn't have tickets to the rain event, so we decided to go to X-Fest instead.

So the day once again started in a small caravan of cars, middle car throwing pistachios at the rear car.

Ok fuck that shit.. I am typing now.. With all the fuckers in here making noise and trying to molest each other, I can't hold a god damn coherant thought. tnakfully now my only distraction is Smjor making howler monkey noise and Falchion munching M&M's behind me.

Apparently the gods of music figured I had not hurt myself enough yesterday, so it rained like hell. All the way to the concert we had to wear seatbelts, because Oz wanted to drive a maniac dispite the oil slicks all over the road. We got to the concert gorund parking lot and parked. Everyone was afraid to get out of the car and get wet. So I waited for Oz to get out of the car to deliver a message to one of the other cars, and I tackled him and threw him in the mud. That plan did not work as well as I though it would, as then I had to lisen to him bitch for the next hour about it.

Eventually everyone got over the fear that they would melt in the rain and we got started in a caravan of rain slickers to the front gate. Except that Oz and I and Sprig-head decided that we were man enough not to wear them because... hell, we're MEN and we don't need no stinking slickers.

Through the gate, once again the guards barely checked anything... they seemed more interested in feeling my chest and crotch than anywhere were I might ACTUALLY have a weapon. We got to our hillside and layed down the blanket... In the rain, *shrug* and once again went our seperate ways. Smjor and White Rabbit went shopping, while I and Oz and Falchion went a-walking, not really knowing were we were going. First were went sightseeing to the Horizon of port-o-shitters, then the pit of muddy death. Then we accidently saw the girls shopping.. and quickly dodged away before they could pull us into a vortex of shopping death. The three of us ended up standing under a tree next to a mud pit throwig veiled threats at each other regarding mud. I got sick of it, and grabbed Oz's wrists and turned them up into a pushing position... then .. (and I actually had to do this) pulled his wrists at me until he got the idea, and he shoved me backward and I hit the mud with a sharp slap, and slid about 30 feet.

oZ here. Since I felt I had no part in this whole Grey thing, I got defensive when he was threatening mud at me. I didn't need to get any muddier than I needed to (especially after the whole getting-out-of-the-car thing). Falchion, in his infinite wisdom, decided to push Grey again. Grey fell back, recovered, and began chasing him. I conveniently disappeared and watched from afar. Falchion, running for his life, quickly lost the Grey (who has smoker's lung). See, the trick is with Grey, if he catches you, you're fucked. So, if you have distance to run, DO IT, or you're dead.

So, I finally caught up with Falchion, and we went to clean up at the portable sinks. He intimated that he was a little afraid just because we COULDN'T see Grey. I agreed... but we finally walked back to our home blanket. Grey was there, didn't do anything too awful, and we watched music for awhile -- cold and dirty. (grumble, grumble, bitch, bitch)

After getting bored enough, I tapped Grey on the shoulder, and asked if we should go walking again. Grey agreed, and while walking, he said to meet him at the bottom of the mudslide.

Let me explain this whole mudslide thing. You see, we're in this huge motherfucking field, covered in rain, dirt, and grass ramnants. So, some people decide to make a slide on one of the hills. A lot of very drunk people go for it, hell, they're dirty anyway. So, yeah.

So, sprig-head, Falchion, and I are sitting at the bottom of the slide, waiting for Grey. Grey jumps for the slide, lands HARD against the mud, and slides down the hill on one arm. Fucking brilliant. He was muddy and in a little pain, but God forbid he fucking say anything about it. Dickwad. So, after some time, sprig-head and Grey decide to go down the damn thing together. grrRR..

so here's where i come in. this is smjor, of course, and as always i needed to put my two cents in. so i'm out shopping with the white rabbit, and we're walking back to where we were all staked out, when i come across my boyfriend about to kamikaze on this giant mud slide. he's standing around with this big group of manly men who are all trying to psyche each other up to go down this mud slide thing. i march right into the middle of the crowd like a mad wife and start yelling at grey in front of all his new buddies, telling him to go back to the blanket and to quit being such a dumbass. he refuses and says he's going down the slide. so i tell him that when he gets to the bottom and he's all fucked up, don't come running to me to patch everything up and make it better.

skip ahead ten minutes, grey's hobbling toward the first aid center with shit oozing off of his arm, the one that he had previously dislocated and all around fucked up. so the first aid people hose him off and basically do nothing for him except give him a good chance at hypothermia. we wander around for a little while longer, trying to decide if we really like slipknot enough to risk hypothermia and other injuries. (little side note, i wasn't too involved with this decision because i was too busy watching coal chamber on the big screen. god that chick is hot.)

eventually we all agree that we should head out since sprig-head has a sizeable chunk taken out of his arm and grey has stopped responding to outside stimuli. we get back to the cars and i end up undressing grey in the icy rain so that he doesn't get mud all over the interior of oz's car. so here we are, oz, falchion and grey all down to thier boxers in the car driving home, with the heat way up so that they don't freeze to death. now i'd like to add that the white rabbit and i were the only one's smart enough to wear rain gear so i'm nice and dry and roasting in the oven-car, so i get all nekkid too. four people, almost totally naked and driving through the most cop-infested territory in the united states with expired tabs. it was a tense ride, to say the least. but we make it home with little trouble. i threw on grey's trenchcoat so as not to get arrested while i'm walking around outside. i felt like i was some chick in a dirty movie, being all naked under a trenchcoat, but anyway...

grey and i shower, everyone else showers, and i set to work fixing the poor boy up. as the evening progressed he became more vocal about how excruciating the pain was, so finally i just doped him up with a handful of codeine and it settled him down a bit. the interesting thing about giving your boyfriend enough codeine to tranquilize a buffalo is that he starts talking, but he doesn't have the sense to lie about anything, so i quickly found out which clothing of mine he hated, everything about his ex-girlfriend and more about his bodily functions than i ever wanted to know. eventually he fell asleep, so i did manage a few hours of peace, but it was a long night nonetheless.

oZ again.

So there you go.. yet another day down the tubes. We didn't see much of Saturday, but Sunday is going to be a very cool day.. My favorite band is up.. Dope.

Catch ya down under..

- nesT.

---

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP


This is a test of the bored GreyWarden system, Had this been an actual column it would be longer and would have more profanity.

Nah... Actually this Is the DAY 1 post of the ongoing saga of Xfest: the three day concert taking place in Wisconsin headlining bands like Slipknot, STP, 3 Doors Down, Godsmack, Powerman 5000, and quite a shitload of others.

Day 1:

The "Nest" whatthefuckers all come home from work and whatever and we all mill around making sure we have all the proper implements of chaos and protective lubricants. We pile into three cars and we're off to Summerset.

The drive was uneventful except the part where the boys with cell phones proved that they were in with the IN crowd by calling each other between cars every five minutes to point out roadkill, cops and everything else... usually less important. That and the part where Greywarden started throwing pistacio shells at Abdul's car at 70 mph.

Nearing the concert grounds traffic slows to a crawl and everyone amuses themselves by making faces at the cars in front and behind, and laughing at roadside mishaps of humanity. Eventually we get parked and everyone goes nuts in anticipation except Grey who can't seem to figure out what the deal is. Waiting in a line roughly the size of a football field the nine of us have to endure an overfriendly Kid Rock impersonator who keeps giving Smjor five for burping better then he can.

Oh yeah... did I mention that Abdul gave himsulf a pink mohawk for the occasion?

Ok so we make it through the checkpoint where the feel all the lumps in your pants and wave you on. Shit... I could have had an AR-9 or a Thompson Repeater under my shirt for all they would have noticed. Anyway.. we pick a spot on the hill above the pits and everyone settles for the first shitty band to start. This means that everyone is bored... Well, bored enough to spread out. Grey heads straight for the beer tent, Oz is off to look at T-shirts and boobs. Smjor is looking for a friend of hers, Abdul is settling in and "Sprig-Head" is hitting on the only party member apparently available... We'll call her... hmm.. White rabbit.

Once the music starts, everyone regroups on the blanket and watches... Through a band called Sublevel, and then one who was trying to incite riot, Nickleback. When that band was finished, Smjor just had to have her ass signed by the band... the band was... surprised by this, but were however more than happy to oblige... they realized that they were stars now that they were upgraded to signing body parts. White rabbit just had her arm signed, but we'll give her an A for effort.

Next band, 3 Doors Down... One of my personal fav's and they played well. Here comes the shit..... baseball park sized sand pit near the two stages started to feel a little electricity... Godsmack was to play next. Grey, Smjor, Oz, Falcion and white rabbit headed for the pits. Before the music could start, the croud was shoving and swaying, people were falling over, it was a madhouse... About 10 minutes into this mess, Smjor decided she had had enough after getting tagged in the head by a falling guy. She beat the hell out of everyone on her way out... One bastard got a bloody nose for not getting out of the way fast enough. She was a tornado of flying elbows and profanity. We were so proud.

When the music started the Moshing started. When that happened we all lost track of each other and it was everything for itself. Sand flying, blood spurting, bodies crashing together like a demolition derby. All to the tune of Godsmack's mastery on the stage. Grey was in the pit for quite some time, and was not really seen again untill he came back up the hill dragging one arm behind him. Falcion decided he would go look for first aid after Grey asked him to help relocate his sholder. Grey popped his elbow back in himself.

After Godsmack was STP (Stone Temple Pilots) Let me tell you... As much as I like Godsmack, STP was a better fucking preformance. it was a muted experence for me because I was laying on the ground in a sling. But after the haze of pain and beer wore off, Grey was jumping and headbutting/banging with everyone else till it was time to go.

Sublevel, Nickleback, 3 Doors Down, Godsmack, and Stone Temple Pilots.

Tonight, Sevendust, Staind, and Slipknot, among others... Oh yeah... mosh time.

Greywarden.

a little note from smjor:
whatthefuck is up with all the fucking cops? christ on the bloody fucking cross... we weren't in the park ten minutes before we saw two guys getting hauled off by cops, and that was just the beginning. what the hell?!

a note from outZider:
my only qualm of the evening was the fact that some asshole in a piece of shit old Buick was busy smelling my car's ass... well, not really, but that fucker damn near hit me four or five times. we all know how obsessive i am about my car. i was just afraid of Grey jumping out of the car and anally raping the bastard with a pair of hedge clippers.

a note from falcion:
i'm a dickwad. oZ is gay. i wanna bang white rabbit. and... Grey is god.