i'm back, and i'm ready to kick some major ass. you people think that i don't know how you've all been trying to get in on the columnist spot? i know. i told you all that i was taking a little vacation, and the next thing i know everyone's applying for my position. well fuck you all. i'm done dealing with my self-transformation shit, i'm back in the advice business and i'm just as bitchy, nasty and bitter as ever. so those of you who weren't trying to jump into my seat before it was cold, send me your problems. if i get enough decent pleas for advice, i'll probably be putting out a new column by week's end. a quick sidenote before i sign off- for those of you who are inclined towards reading books rather than rotting your brains on t.v., i would highly recommend Tom Robbins' latest novel. it has changed my perspective on life more than any religous writing or philosophy book i've found, as is typical of every novel this divine author produces. alright, enough of me plugging books by people you don't care about, send me your problems and i will, once again dispense my infinite wisdom to all of you, my faithful readers.

-smjor.