Yes, I shamelessly ripped that line from The Simpsons, but I freely admit it and I don't care. I like it, so fuck you. I'm not really sure what to rant about today. Surprisingly, there hasn't been much that's pissed me off lately. Except for what's going on in the Watcher board. Seriously, what's that shit all about? I thought we were done with that personal feuding months ago, but I guess not. I'm not in a position to take sides, so I'm just going to say that the whole thing in general makes me ill. Anyway, that's about all I have to bitch about, so I guess I'll just go about doing what I'm here to do, give advice.



Q: My bf and I have been together 10 months, he has been living with my mom and I for 9. In the last few months (4 or 5) most of my friends and family, whenever they hear me even begin to say something like a complaint about him, have been all to keen to point oout every reason that I should dump him. A couple weeks ago, i was at a family reunion, and had brought him along, we got into a fight and being a little tipsy at the time, I managed to finally say it, "I can't stand this anymore, we can't get along, we always fight, it's over!"
He cried on me and told me i couldn't break up with him ( where would he go ? what would he do?) and brought all the reasons it was soo hard to break up with him in the first place swimming back into my head. So I took it back!
I really regret taking it back, but now i feel even more entrapped, because I really DO care about him, and he has gone back to school for me, but it will be two years before he graduates, and he needs a place to live and someone to help him with school until then. I can't help feelling trapped, because i still get really annoyed by him 24/7 and still think he has little to no ambition. He's just not right for me!!
So the question is Wwhatthefuck do I do now????????

A: You take charge of your own life. You aren't his mother, you aren't his wife (yet) and thus you don't have a responsibilty to take care of him and stay with him if you're unhappy. Tell him you're done. Move on. It will hurt for both of you, but you have to do what feels right. If you don't deal with it now, eventually you're going to end up married to this guy with two of his kids and bitterly resenting it.



Q: I have a friend who happens to be my ex. He is my best friend. I have know him almost my whole life. I have also loved him almost my whole life. He tells me about the girls he likes and what they do and it really gets to me but i don't tell him. I think he kind of knows. Well, lately he's been fooling around with me. He's been spending time with me and kissing me and all sorts of things, but he kind of has a girlfriend, it's just not official yet. He is confusing me a whole lot and i don't know what to do because the girl he is seeing is my friend too. I really don't want to get involved because i don't want to hurt my friend but it's him who starts everything and i don't want to let him go. Can you help?

A: My guess is he's just using you. Obviously if he's your ex you've tried dating and it didn't work out. Hard as this is to deal with, you need to let the idea of a relationship with him go. If he's dating one chick but fooling around with you, that's fucked up. The other chick is getting royally screwed, and you're being used. Not a cool position to be in. So lay down the law on this guy. Tell him to make his choice and to quit fucking around.



Q: I have a hideous growth on my penis and my girlfriend wants to have "sex". What should i do? Should i tell her beforehand and hope she doesnt mind or go at it and hope that she doesnt feel the bump. Im afraid that if she knows then she wont ever want to fuck me again. If she doesnt notice and finds out in the future then will she dump me for someone who has a "normal" penis. I really need some help. I dont want to lose her but i dont want her thinking that im a freak with a huge growth on my dick.

A: I've got news for you: you are a freak with a huge growth on your dick! Why haven't you had this checked out by a doctor? This could be a very serious, very contagious STD and you've done nothing about it?! What the hell were you thinking? Were you even thinking? Get thee to a doctor and have this checked out. If it turns out that you're just a freak with no medical explanation, then forget about it. Have sex with her. If she rejects you just because she doesn't like your dick... well, then you'll know exactly how chicks feel when they are rejected because they have small tits or other petty things like that. As far as whether or not you should tell her before hand, I really don't think it matters either way. But like I said, get it checked out before you get your groove on, because the last thing you want to do is spread anything you might have.