Second Genesis
The story of whatthefuck.com
Like a phoenix from the ashes, we today witness the resurrection of this grand cyber city known now and forever as whatthefuck.com. From then till now, this is our story.
In the begining, oZ, created the code, and the database. But, the site was formless and empty. Then oZ said, let there be posters, and there were posters, and he saw that the posters were good. He seperated the dark from the light. He called the light "up-time" and the dark he called "crashed." There were two server switches, twenty boards, and two columns. The first month.
Ok, ok.. If I continue in that vein this column will get way too entrenched in symbolism, and who really wants to picture ripe-with-decay and enigma at Sodom and Gomorrah?
Soon after the E-mails went out to the folks who pre-signed up for usernames on whatthefuck, the site got rolling with a mere fifty odd newbies posting on the boards, of which I'd say ten are active today. Within a month or two, there were quite a few users milling about. It was tough all around, people trying to get a handhold in the new environment, trying to meet people. There were tentative alliances, and pacts were formed as fast as enemies were made. But overall the community was that of that town in Northern exposure, we all had a good idea where the others came from.
There was a column up once a week, and these columns were good stuff... groundbreaking I'd say. Hell, dogshit would be groundbreaking on a new site eh? There was RobandDave on Life, Smjor's Advice Column, Shades of Grey, and the occasional notice posted by oZ. It was a peaceful place overall.
There was a REAL chat program back in the day, not the gimp-ass DreamChat thing you're used to, and the users of whatthefuck used it to talk to each other. I suppose this is where things began to really go wrong too. A few figures rose up as dominant voices, those of reason, and those who preached otherwise. Those who had audiences developed egos that bloated like dead fish in the hot sun.
More columns came along... they were pretty good quality too, and people enjoyed them. The Religion board was added. A few miscellaneous boards along with it, but the Religion board was the most notable addition as it was here where the pissing contests and the posturing really gathered steam. As we all know, tolerance is not something that comes naturally to the human race. The anonymity of the internet afforded people the opporunity to say things they would not naturally say, for shock value, or simply to amuse themselves, all at someone else's expense. WTF was small enough to dodge this bullet before, but now it was starting to draw a much larger audience. Rats in a cage and whatnot...
Six months went by, the user count rose steadily and the flame board was busier than ever. The other boards were begining to look more like the flame board than was their original intent. The chat program evolved into something downright unusable. Fortunately some genius came up with the idea for a bar board. Aptly named McLeary's, this watering hole became more of a chat room than a board, with people refreshing the board constantly to keep up with the chat-like frequency of the posting (which was of course the whole point of the board.) McLeary's once again gave the users of whatthefuck an outlet to communicate in a semi-instantaneous manner. This immediately quelled the fires of WTF and brought back closeness and community to the regular posters. This was proved to be shortlived however, as there were a few regular posters who had attained such a level of noteriety that they were considered to be "Elite" to the other posters. Even more dangerously, those labeled as Elite tended to agree with this. The elements for another conflict were in place. All that was needed was a catalyst. Some stupid fuck was bound to provide one. And of course I did.
The "nesT" war was rather like a frat boy ejaculating before he got his pants off. On the surface of the mess, it was all about who had privileges and who didn't, but really there were a lot of issues that ran a lot deeper than that. Saying that the whole thing was over elitism is like saying that the civil war was just about slavery.
The bitter fight between the Elitests and the Anti-Elitests was an odd one indeed. The Anti's wanted to blame everyone but would not finger anyone specifically as Elite. The Elite stood silent as they did not want to get burned in this witchhunt. There was even instances of elites who jumped on the anti-elites bandwagon to avoid being scorched. This of course led to even more bitterness between the sides. The mudslinging between those who WOULD speak spread like wildfire throughout the boards. Granted, I have... a skewed view... I was one of the "nesT," but I'm trying to be as objective as possible. You see the "nesT" was comprised of five people. Myself, Smjor, oZ, Falcion, and White Rabbit. We all know one another in real life, and would sometimes allude to things that others were not privy to others on the boards. Obviously this seemed intentionally secretive and was percieved as in-your-face elitism. An out of context statement by myself with the typo "nesT" caused the whole affair to come to a head. I digress... The "nesT" and all "Elites" in general were angry because they worked hard to make a good web experence, and the users wanted a for-the-people-by-the-people site, free of aloof elitests, and whatnot. Eventually, much bitter politics aside, a concession was made. The column voting system you know today was born. This unlocked the door for whatthefuck's next great tragedy. However it cooled the flames for a while, since people who felt only the Elites recieved columns were satisfied and the war died out as fast as it came to be.
An uneventful five months passed, whatthefuckers relaxed amidst relative peace and prosperity for a while. McLeary's enjoyed more posts than shit has flies, Religion seemed to groom guardians of tolerance and seemed less plagued by college students try to show off what they learned that day. It seemed like paradise again, but, of course, there was a snake in the garden.
Remember Abdul? The other admin? Notice he has been absent from this oral (huh-huh) history of WTF? This is by design. Not mine... his. Up until this point, Abdul had been fairly obscure on whatthefuck, sticking mostly to behind the scenes action. He was biding his time, waiting for the leadership of whatthefuck to relax so that he could take over. The Warden faded away, his illusion shattered by the "nesT" war. oZ was having personal problems. A lot for the pillars of the community faded into obscurity as they often do. With so little opposition available, Abdul decided now was the time to step in and usurp power of the site. He didn't go for the overt, obvious power. He went for the more subtle approach. He attained the invisible power of the admin, a sole power, whereas before oZ had been the executive power to veto his damnable hellish legislation. (hehe, too dramatic? ok...) He made changes to whatthefuck without so much as consulting oZ, the true founding father of the site. He bypassed the agreed upon voting process and chose who got columns reguardless of the vote. Five to six columns a day went up, with no quality control whatsoever. People became disillusioned with all of the columns in general and three long time columnists, Smjor, Greywarden, Watcher, (rolls eyes) all quit posting columns in protest of this random ass method of column selection. Abdul refused to acknowledge the strike and called it laziness. The subtle changes in the WTF system eventually brought the site to a ruin of mediocrity. A disgraceful state that made it a ghost of it's former glory. The reign of Abdul turned WTF into a cesspool of muddled garbage. Yeah yeah, this is overkill... but I have an axe to grind, as should you all.
And that's when oZ woke from his stupor and stepped up to the plate, determined to revive his brainchild. He was unsure of how to go about regaining power over his site. But then, Abdul became distracted. Being indicted for Grand Larceny tends to do that to a person. With Abdul thus distracted, oZ swooped in and saved the day. An overnight backup of the site was made and the server under Abdul's control was destroyed.
Then that whole revolution thing happened... but you know what that was all about, it was two weeks ago for chrissakes. Smjor and I are now administration alongside oZ. The WTF leadership tag team of doom, or some happy shit.
This is the rebirth of whatthefuck.com, because it is the Admins' will that none should perish, but that we should flourish everlasting... (Hallelujah) in the kingdom of whatthefuck.
Welcome my friends, to the second Genesis. You're the author now.
Grey Warden
In the begining, oZ, created the code, and the database. But, the site was formless and empty. Then oZ said, let there be posters, and there were posters, and he saw that the posters were good. He seperated the dark from the light. He called the light "up-time" and the dark he called "crashed." There were two server switches, twenty boards, and two columns. The first month.
Ok, ok.. If I continue in that vein this column will get way too entrenched in symbolism, and who really wants to picture ripe-with-decay and enigma at Sodom and Gomorrah?
Soon after the E-mails went out to the folks who pre-signed up for usernames on whatthefuck, the site got rolling with a mere fifty odd newbies posting on the boards, of which I'd say ten are active today. Within a month or two, there were quite a few users milling about. It was tough all around, people trying to get a handhold in the new environment, trying to meet people. There were tentative alliances, and pacts were formed as fast as enemies were made. But overall the community was that of that town in Northern exposure, we all had a good idea where the others came from.
There was a column up once a week, and these columns were good stuff... groundbreaking I'd say. Hell, dogshit would be groundbreaking on a new site eh? There was RobandDave on Life, Smjor's Advice Column, Shades of Grey, and the occasional notice posted by oZ. It was a peaceful place overall.
There was a REAL chat program back in the day, not the gimp-ass DreamChat thing you're used to, and the users of whatthefuck used it to talk to each other. I suppose this is where things began to really go wrong too. A few figures rose up as dominant voices, those of reason, and those who preached otherwise. Those who had audiences developed egos that bloated like dead fish in the hot sun.
More columns came along... they were pretty good quality too, and people enjoyed them. The Religion board was added. A few miscellaneous boards along with it, but the Religion board was the most notable addition as it was here where the pissing contests and the posturing really gathered steam. As we all know, tolerance is not something that comes naturally to the human race. The anonymity of the internet afforded people the opporunity to say things they would not naturally say, for shock value, or simply to amuse themselves, all at someone else's expense. WTF was small enough to dodge this bullet before, but now it was starting to draw a much larger audience. Rats in a cage and whatnot...
Six months went by, the user count rose steadily and the flame board was busier than ever. The other boards were begining to look more like the flame board than was their original intent. The chat program evolved into something downright unusable. Fortunately some genius came up with the idea for a bar board. Aptly named McLeary's, this watering hole became more of a chat room than a board, with people refreshing the board constantly to keep up with the chat-like frequency of the posting (which was of course the whole point of the board.) McLeary's once again gave the users of whatthefuck an outlet to communicate in a semi-instantaneous manner. This immediately quelled the fires of WTF and brought back closeness and community to the regular posters. This was proved to be shortlived however, as there were a few regular posters who had attained such a level of noteriety that they were considered to be "Elite" to the other posters. Even more dangerously, those labeled as Elite tended to agree with this. The elements for another conflict were in place. All that was needed was a catalyst. Some stupid fuck was bound to provide one. And of course I did.
The "nesT" war was rather like a frat boy ejaculating before he got his pants off. On the surface of the mess, it was all about who had privileges and who didn't, but really there were a lot of issues that ran a lot deeper than that. Saying that the whole thing was over elitism is like saying that the civil war was just about slavery.
The bitter fight between the Elitests and the Anti-Elitests was an odd one indeed. The Anti's wanted to blame everyone but would not finger anyone specifically as Elite. The Elite stood silent as they did not want to get burned in this witchhunt. There was even instances of elites who jumped on the anti-elites bandwagon to avoid being scorched. This of course led to even more bitterness between the sides. The mudslinging between those who WOULD speak spread like wildfire throughout the boards. Granted, I have... a skewed view... I was one of the "nesT," but I'm trying to be as objective as possible. You see the "nesT" was comprised of five people. Myself, Smjor, oZ, Falcion, and White Rabbit. We all know one another in real life, and would sometimes allude to things that others were not privy to others on the boards. Obviously this seemed intentionally secretive and was percieved as in-your-face elitism. An out of context statement by myself with the typo "nesT" caused the whole affair to come to a head. I digress... The "nesT" and all "Elites" in general were angry because they worked hard to make a good web experence, and the users wanted a for-the-people-by-the-people site, free of aloof elitests, and whatnot. Eventually, much bitter politics aside, a concession was made. The column voting system you know today was born. This unlocked the door for whatthefuck's next great tragedy. However it cooled the flames for a while, since people who felt only the Elites recieved columns were satisfied and the war died out as fast as it came to be.
An uneventful five months passed, whatthefuckers relaxed amidst relative peace and prosperity for a while. McLeary's enjoyed more posts than shit has flies, Religion seemed to groom guardians of tolerance and seemed less plagued by college students try to show off what they learned that day. It seemed like paradise again, but, of course, there was a snake in the garden.
Remember Abdul? The other admin? Notice he has been absent from this oral (huh-huh) history of WTF? This is by design. Not mine... his. Up until this point, Abdul had been fairly obscure on whatthefuck, sticking mostly to behind the scenes action. He was biding his time, waiting for the leadership of whatthefuck to relax so that he could take over. The Warden faded away, his illusion shattered by the "nesT" war. oZ was having personal problems. A lot for the pillars of the community faded into obscurity as they often do. With so little opposition available, Abdul decided now was the time to step in and usurp power of the site. He didn't go for the overt, obvious power. He went for the more subtle approach. He attained the invisible power of the admin, a sole power, whereas before oZ had been the executive power to veto his damnable hellish legislation. (hehe, too dramatic? ok...) He made changes to whatthefuck without so much as consulting oZ, the true founding father of the site. He bypassed the agreed upon voting process and chose who got columns reguardless of the vote. Five to six columns a day went up, with no quality control whatsoever. People became disillusioned with all of the columns in general and three long time columnists, Smjor, Greywarden, Watcher, (rolls eyes) all quit posting columns in protest of this random ass method of column selection. Abdul refused to acknowledge the strike and called it laziness. The subtle changes in the WTF system eventually brought the site to a ruin of mediocrity. A disgraceful state that made it a ghost of it's former glory. The reign of Abdul turned WTF into a cesspool of muddled garbage. Yeah yeah, this is overkill... but I have an axe to grind, as should you all.
And that's when oZ woke from his stupor and stepped up to the plate, determined to revive his brainchild. He was unsure of how to go about regaining power over his site. But then, Abdul became distracted. Being indicted for Grand Larceny tends to do that to a person. With Abdul thus distracted, oZ swooped in and saved the day. An overnight backup of the site was made and the server under Abdul's control was destroyed.
Then that whole revolution thing happened... but you know what that was all about, it was two weeks ago for chrissakes. Smjor and I are now administration alongside oZ. The WTF leadership tag team of doom, or some happy shit.
This is the rebirth of whatthefuck.com, because it is the Admins' will that none should perish, but that we should flourish everlasting... (Hallelujah) in the kingdom of whatthefuck.
Welcome my friends, to the second Genesis. You're the author now.
Grey Warden
Grey is an admin at whatthefuck.com hate him? e-mail greywarden@whatthefuck.com.