Beyond the Red Door

Starvation- a Metaphor So Thick You Could Choke on It

ABSTRACT:

    The following data represent the collective studies of Dr. Whitlow's team at the Malpais Testing Facility. Study was undertaken in a standard Q-634 experiment chamber (specifications attached).


    Subject Data:

    Upon presentation to the testing facility, subject was a 24-year-old male Caucasian, 180 cm in height, massing 80 kilos. Baseline medical data presented in Appendix A, Medical Findings.

    Subject introduced into the program through Federal Prisoners' Reduction of Sentence Volunteer Program. Release form and other pertinent legal paperwork attached.

   

    The following report comes directly from the tape-recorded observations of Dr. Thomas Whitlow and his interviews with the subject.

   
Day One:

    The subject was introduced into the isolation chamber this morning. As per the initial phase of the test, he has been provided with all the amenities that one would expect in a typical hotel suite. His television has all the typical cable channels, he has a shower, toilet, and running tap water.

    Subject behaved as per expectations upon introduction into the testing chamber. Subject began to exhibit obvious signs of hunger within six hours of his arrival. Surveillance cameras recorded him beginning to complain vocally of hunger twelve hours into the experiment. Subject became increasingly agitated until finally falling into a restless sleep early in the morning of the second day.

   
Day Two:

    Subject awakened, showered, and watched television. Subject continues to complain loudly of increasing hunger. Phase One of the experiment proceeding exactly as predicted. Phase Two expected at the end of the first week.

   
Days Three through Six:

    Subject continues to go about a semblance of a normal routine, but has increasing difficultly doing mentally and/or physically demanding tasks. Subject has begun to scream irrationally at all hours of the day, crying out at a substantial volume and with very creatively placed epithets demanding food.

   
Day Seven:

    Phase One of the experiment deemed satisfactory. Phase Two began today.

    Subject's food slot was opened at 8 a.m. Subject raced to food slot, was allowed to get within three feet, and the slot was shut again by remote control. Subject immediately began to scream irrationally and beat his fists against the walls, furniture, and himself.

    Similar behavior recorded at 12 p.m.: subject raced to food slot and expressed severe distress when he was denied food.

    6 p.m. reaction was as expected: subject more slowly and cautiously approached food slot, was allowed within six inches of slot, but just as remote infrared cameras recorded tensing of the muscles in his upper torso, the slot was shut. Subject again fell into hysteria.

    Subject has experienced visible weight loss over the past week.

   
Day Eight:

    Subject again cautiously approached food slot during morning feeding period. Food denial and subsequent subject reaction proceeded as normal.

    Subject experienced less marked hysteria after the afternoon food denial.

    Evening presentation of food resulted in subject staring at food slot for five full minutes before approaching it. Food denial resulted in a full attack of mania, during which the subject managed to knock himself unconscious.

    Phase two of experiment proceeding more rapidly than expected; Phase Three schedule accelerated to begin on Day 10.

   
Day Nine:

    Previous day's prediction has proven correct: subject now refuses to approach food slots. No matter how obviously tempted he is by the food, he remains at a distance from the slot.

    Subject's recorded statement follows:
"This is bullshit. There's no point in even trying anymore. You're never going to let me fucking eat. You're going to keep waving this in front of my face until I either go crazy or starve to death. Maybe both, but fuck you. I'm not playing your little game anymore."


    Subject's remarkable apathy has come much sooner than expected. Phase Three set to begin tomorrow morning.

   
Day Ten:

    Phase Three begun. East wall of subject's room lowered to allow view of Dr. Van Vleck and Dr. Terrell enjoying a very large, very nutritious breakfast. Air conditioning systems redirected to carry the scent of their repast into subject's room. Food slot opened on schedule; subject cautiously approached and was denied food. Subject began pounding on the Plexiglas separator, screaming at Drs. Van Vleck and Terrell.

    Subject's recorded statement follows:
"Fuck you! You bastards! It's not enough to starve me to death and drive me crazy with this carrot and stick bullshit, you have to eat in front of me too! Goddamn you!"


    As instructed, Drs. Van Vleck and Terrell ate their meal without acknowledging the subject's presence at all. Upon finishing their meal, subject's wall was restored to normal opacity.

    Lunch period follows same routine, as does dinner period. Subject becomes less agitated with each repeated incident, and once again becomes apathetic toward the presentation of food in his food slot.

   
Day Eleven:

    Subject now simply silently stares at whoever happens to be eating on the other side of the Plexiglas divider. Subject makes no move whatsoever toward his food slot.

    Subject's television receiver has been altered to receive only images of food commercials, cooking shows, and pictures of family dinners.

   
Day Twelve:

    Subject's personal hygiene and daily routine now go unattended to. No attempt is made to access food slots. Television has now been turned off and unplugged.

    Subject spends majority of the day in bed, minimizing his movements. Despite this, subject is unable to sleep, spending only one hour per night in a state of restful sleep.

    Due to subject's more rapid than expected physical deterioration, Phase Four set to begin tomorrow.

   
Day Thirteen:

    Food slot opened at 8 a.m. as normal. Subject refused to approach food slot. Food slot remained open until 12 p.m., when previous food was replaced with fresh food. Food slot allowed to remain open.

    At 3:18 p.m. subject slowly approached food slot. Subject was allowed to access food slot for the first time, and was allowed to withdraw and eat the food within.

    Subject began crying hysterically, shouting and yelling as he ate.

    Subject's recorded statement follows:
"Finally! Oh, god, finally!"


    Food slot opened again at 6 p.m. Subject again cautiously approached food slot, and again was allowed to access and eat his meal. Subject's psychology has improved rapidly, and his mental and physical status are expected to return to nominal within one week, after which Phase Five will begin.

   
Days Fourteen through Twenty-One:

    Subject allowed to eat as normal for this period. Subject's physical and mental status have improved considerably. Subject now properly attends to personal hygiene and physical fitness regimen. Subject once again shows interest in television; normal television programming has been restored.

    Subject shows interest in communicating amicably with doctors as they eat, now that he is receiving food himself.

    Introduction of X-34 additive will commence on Day 22.

   
Day Twenty-Two:

    Phase Five begun. Experimental chemical additive X-34 administered in 5mg dose to subject's food. Subject allowed to eat as normal. Subject complains of mild stomach discomfort and heartburn. Later in the day, slight diarrhea and colonic discomfort present as well.

    Dosage to increase to 10mg tomorrow.

   
Day Twenty-Three:

    Dosage increase brings more marked symptoms today. Stomach discomfort is extreme, and subject's diarrhea has worsened. Subject is having difficulty sleeping, and presents with constant gastrointestinal discomfort.

    Dosage to increase to 25mg tomorrow.

   
Day Twenty-Four:

    After consuming lunch meal laced with 25mg of X-34, subject immediately fell into convulsions. Subject produced bloody vomitus caused by disintegration of stomach wall lining. Dosage of X-34 entered subject's lower GI tract as well, causing severe damage to intestinal villi and resultant bleeding upon defecation. Symptoms persisted well into the evening, until subject's eventual fall into unconsciousness.

    Dosage to increase to 30mg on Day Twenty-Five.

   
Day Twenty-Five

    Subject awoke in extremely weakened state and began to consume breakfast. Previously described symptoms presented again immediately upon consumption of first bite of food. Subject hurled plate of food across the room and began to scream.

    Subject's recorded statement follows:
"Fuck this! I'd rather starve to death than go through that again! No more, I'm through!"


    Subject has made the correct association between food and pain. A repeat of Phase 3 will commence immediately.

   
Day Twenty-Six

    Subject's food slot opened as normal at normal intervals and remained open, but subject refuses all food. Wall lowered and Drs. Van Vleck and Terrell consumed their lunch in full view of the subject, while subject's own food awaited consumption in his food slot. Subject refuses to eat. Subject's television has once again been re-programmed to issue only food imagery.

   
Days Twenty-Seven through Thirty:

    Subject refuses all food for this time period. Expresses vocal outrage when doctors on the project eat behind the Plexiglas wall, but makes no attempt to eat himself. Subject's mental and physical health deteriorating rapidly.

   
Day Thirty-One:

    Subject's favorite food introduced in food slot, devoid of X-34 additive. In a state of extreme hunger and hysteria, subject descended rapidly upon the meal and consumed it extraordinarily quickly. Upon noting no ill effects from consuming the food, subject began to scream and yell.

    Subject's recorded statement follows:
"It's over! It's finally over!"


    X-34 additive to be reintroduced on Day 34.

   
Days Thirty-Two and Thirty-Three:

    Subject has been fed only his favorite food during this time period. Subject appears extremely happy and content.

    Subject's recorded statement follows:
"Man, I could go on like this forever. All that other shit I went through before would be worth it if only things would stay like this."


    X-34 dosage of 50mg to be introduced in delayed-action form tomorrow morning.

   
Day Thirty-Four:

    Subject happily consumed his breakfast as normal at 8:00 a.m. Delayed onset of X-34 allowed complete consumption of meal; symptoms did not present until 9:04 a.m., whereupon subject began violently vomiting uncontrollably and bleeding profusely from all mucous membranes. Subject fell into epileptic convulsions as the X-34 caused his nervous system to enter a state of extreme hyperstimulation. Surveillance records clearly show the subject unable to do anything but convulse upon the floor, surrounded by his own excretions and blood for the remainder of the day. Remote medical monitoring of subject's pain receptors shows subject to be in pain powerful enough to render a human unconscious; however, the stimulant qualities of the X-34 additive make slipping into unconsciousness impossible.

    Subject finally became unconscious at 2:46 a.m. on the morning of Day Thirty-Five.

   
Day Thirty-Five:

    Subject remained motionless on floor in a catatonic state for the entire day. His food slots were not opened.

   
Day Thirty-Six:

    Subject finally recovered from catatonic state today. Spent majority of day in bathroom attempting to clean himself off. Subject stared at food slots for remainder of day. Food slots were not opened.

   
Day Thirty-Seven:

    Food slots opened. Subject refuses to even approach food slots.

    Subject's recorded statement follows:
"Fuck you. I've learned my lesson. No more. I won't be fooled again. I won't go through that pain again. Hunger may be bad, but I'll take hunger over that any day. Even if it means I starve to death. I won't be played with anymore."


    Phase Six of experiment will commence on Day Forty-Five.

   
Days Thirty-Eight through Forty-Four:

    Subject still refuses all food. Subject has destroyed his television and various other articles in the chamber, but has oddly left all mirrors intact. Subject underwent a period of intense physical fitness training during this period, despite his obvious malnutrition.

    Subject now masses only 50 kilos, down from his original 80. Diagnosis of acute anorexia nervosa, as expected.

   
Day Forty-Five:

    Phase Six of experiment commenced today. Subject's door was opened and Dr. Van Vleck entered the chamber with two entrees, one for himself and one for the subject. Dr. Van Vleck consumed his food in full view and in close proximity to the subject. Subject withdrew from Dr. Van Vleck and his food in fear initially, then cautiously approached the food again, then fell into the fetal position and began convulsing.

    Experiment to be repeated tomorrow.

   
Day Forty-Six:

    Yesterday's experiment repeated with identical results. Subject actively began throwing pillows and other objects in an attempt to get the food as far away from him as possible.

    Ramp up to Phase Seven tomorrow.

   
Day Forty-Seven:

    Phase Seven begun today. Various carts heavily laden with food were wheeled into the subject's chamber, and the entire experiment staff sat down and consumed the food in front of him. Subject locked himself in his bathroom and was heard to enter a schizoid fit. Surveillance cameras show him violently clawing at himself and slamming his head into the counter until he fell unconscious.

    Procedure repeated at each meal period. Subject continues to absolutely refuse food.

   
Days Forty-Eight and Forty-Nine:

    Phase Seven procedure repeated for each meal period. On Day Forty-Nine, Dr. Blake, acting on his own initiative, threw a 20 ounce New York Strip steak at the subject, who subsequently recoiled in terror and began screaming hysterically, falling into convulsions on the floor as the staff finished their meal.

   
Day Fifty:

    Experiment has been suspended in order to collate data and postulate findings. Subject welfare and rehabilitation, if possible, has become of primary concern.

    Orderlies entered subject's chamber today and attempted to force-feed him. Subject fought them off and slipped into unconsciousness.

    Subject was removed to infirmary, where his vital signs rapidly declined. Subject fell into deep coma and was pronounced dead at 5:32 p.m. Body removed to morgue for post-mortem analysis. Preliminary medical findings indicate death from systemic organ failure induced by malnutrition and extreme psychosomatic stress.

    Experiment deemed a total success. Subject was completely conditioned to utterly refuse that which was necessary for his survival. Despite his instinctual desire for food, his assumption that the food would cause him pain, based upon his past experiences, produced in the subject feelings of abject terror when confronted with the opportunity to eat.

    The subject's final lucid recorded statement, recorded on Day Forty-Six, provides a stunning summary of the patient's state of mind in the concluding days of the experiment:

   
"It's the worst feeling in the world. The worst pain I've ever felt. The feeling of having something right there in front of you that you want more than anything... but you know that if you reach out and try to take it, all you'll get is hurt. You‚re not afraid of having it denied, because for Christ's sake, it's sitting right in front of you. All you have to do is reach out and grab it, and it's yours. Rejection isn't a factor, it's the certain knowledge that eventually they'll hurt you again. And I would rather die than go through that again. That feeling of having your guts ripped out, of pain in and through every part of you... fuck that. I won't go through it again. No matter how hungry I get, I won't let it happen again. I'd rather die."


    Official medical findings and data, legal documentation, and disposition record of subject's remains are attached to this report.

   
Thomas Whitlow, M.D.
Malpais Testing Center
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Kai is a longstanding whatthefuck.com member, putting forth elements of fiction fused with experiences from his own life. Questions or comments can be directed to kai-thedeadassassin@whatthefuck.com.