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whatthefuck.com columns

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2010-07-19 at 09:32

someone needs a bumper for their heart: monday wtf XI: apologies, drunkenness, cocaine, but no hookers. sorry.

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2010-03-29 at 20:03

shut up, mom, i'm on msn: monday wtf X: mooning monkey

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2010-03-22 at 08:37

dribbling balls: monday wtf IX, wherein fat is beautiful, unless it comes from a fast food restaurant

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2010-03-08 at 18:11

eight maids a-milkin': monday wtf VIII, wherein we stop screwing around and get on with it

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2010-01-18 at 15:38

shoot first, don't bother with the questions: monday wtf VII, where we discover the flexibility of the walrus.

Disenchantech

posted by dpu, 2010-01-11 at 14:53

3D Video: Unless you've been drinking far too much, you've probably noticed 3D making the tech news. Unfortunately, it sucks.

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2010-01-04 at 06:59

the tens, the teens, f it, it's 2010: monday wtf to the sixth, where we have a talk about hubris.

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2009-12-28 at 17:34

post-apocalyptic christmas: monday wtf numero cinco, where we discuss what a bunch of shitheads everyone happens to be.

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2009-12-21 at 16:23

do you have the flava'? well, do ya?: monday wtf number four, with an international flavor, needles, and primates with mad skills

what

posted by oZ, 2009-12-17 at 09:21

the call for columnists: as the new year approaches and the site starts to slowly turn in a new direction, we desperately need more content from more people. want to get your writing out there?

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2009-12-07 at 11:57

monday, december 7: breaking the silence: the third monday wtf, after a brief hiatus, featuring a klingon christmas, suing a mmorpg, and florida.

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2009-11-23 at 11:53

monday, november 23rd: rumors and jackasses: the second monday wtf, featuring ridiculous movie openings, the end of google, and what a bunch of assholes you are.

the monday wtf

posted by oZ, 2009-11-16 at 10:55

monday, november 16th: inaugural edition: welcome to the inaugural monday wtf, featuring local women who fail, companies trying to stay relevant, and rotten feet.

what

posted by oZ, 2009-10-19 at 08:00

ten years of fart jokes: oZ shows you the wrinkles by his eyes and the white in his beard.

The Dogs of War

posted by grasshead, 2009-08-28 at 09:56

Vol 2, Issue 1: The God Particle: What Exactly is the Dealio with the Higgs boson?: I belatedly answer a question about the Higgs boson.

what

posted by oZ, 2009-04-01 at 09:49

bid now, time's running out!: oZ shows off a few of the new tricks he's learned.

Generic Political Column

posted by oZ, 2009-03-16 at 19:43

the checks and balances are unchecked and off-balance: oZ attempts to justify the loans of AIG against the kicking and screaming about the auto industry.

Generic Political Column

posted by oZ, 2009-01-20 at 07:48

congratulations: farewell and hello

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2009-01-11 at 23:56

I-82, Part Two: Reaching a destination and a conclusion.

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2009-01-03 at 00:34

I-82, Part One: Two people drive across Washington State and try to wrestle meaning out of the meaningless.

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-12-19 at 14:44

Starlight: One day can change everything.

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-12-12 at 05:22

Dear Jesus: Please save me from your followers. Amen: By the year 3009, one of these things will have died: religion, or civilisation. Pick your side.

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-12-05 at 06:43

The Saga of Kirosho Yaro: Tarinasha

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-11-28 at 13:47

On the Art of Bullshitting: I have a piece of paper hanging on my wall that says I can convince anyone of anything. Including myself.

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-11-16 at 16:42

The Genesis of David Wallace: Heroism has a price.

The Dogs of War

posted by grasshead, 2008-11-12 at 20:40

Volume 1, Issue 3: Is it the end of the world? The LHC will become fully operational in the spring of 2009.

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-11-09 at 12:34

You're Still Screwed: Why the recent U.S. election merely improved your chances from certain doom to probable doom.

Generic Political Column

posted by oZ, 2008-11-05 at 10:53

yes, you did: oZ reflects on election day 2008, and what moving forward and moving up really means.

Generic Political Column

posted by oZ, 2008-11-04 at 05:45

and so it begins:

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-10-31 at 13:44

Foreclosed: No one escapes debt collectors – not even if your House is White…

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-10-24 at 21:14

Like, Fred Flintstone: Prehistoric cereal and a linguistic virus - part of your "nutritious" breakfast!

The Adventures of the Damned Human Race

posted by Kai, 2008-10-17 at 12:32

Low Low Prices: Wanna know why I moved to New Zealand?

what

posted by oZ, 2008-10-07 at 09:53

nine more years: oZ reflects on nine whole years of bullshit, and reminisces on when he was young, cared less, and did nothing.

The Dogs of War

posted by grasshead, 2008-10-02 at 10:56

Volume 1 Issue 2: grasshead discusses the current projects of the DARPA/Boston Dynamics team-up. BigDog, LittleDog, RHex, and RiSE gives the American Military some scary possibilities. (and yes, those caps are appropriate.)

Generic Political Column

posted by oZ, 2008-09-28 at 10:26

what you don't understand is: my friends, oZ runs through the results of Friday's debate, and shows you where you just don't have the experience.

Generic Political Column

posted by homeslice, 2008-09-27 at 16:26

here's where you're wrong: homeslice whips his views out, and talks at length about the intriciacies of our belize and lichtenstein foreign policy positions

Generic Political Column

posted by oZ, 2008-09-26 at 12:24

oZ brings out the nut bowl: A new political column from oZ and homeslice, with some fact and mostly opinion about today's modern US political clusterfuck.

The Dogs of War

posted by grasshead, 2008-09-05 at 20:48

Volume 1, Issue 1: grasshead takes on current technology news and opinion, and wants your vote to succeed. should he be a columnist?

my column, let me show you it

posted by homeslice, 2008-06-12 at 16:40

and he made it to #2.: in his second edition, homeslice stumps for a leading candidate and proves he's black where it counts.

my column, let me show you it

posted by homeslice, 2008-05-09 at 12:04

homeslice exposes himself in his first column of many... about whatever he feels like.

happy holidays

posted by oZ, 2007-12-25 at 10:42

and a merry christmas: oZ wishes you all a merry christmas and happy holidays, and that's about it

welcome back.

posted by oZ, 2007-11-06 at 15:00

in soviet russia, site updates you.

oops, i did it again

posted by oZ, 2007-05-07 at 20:12

trials and tribulations: oZ is on the soapbox, or perhaps a rocky outcropping, showing off the stone tablets of seven years of bad code.

I fucked your mom

posted by oZ, 2004-09-02 at 15:57

and your mom won.: whatthefuck.com is dead, long live whatthefuck.com.

hushed voices

posted by oZ, 2004-04-05 at 15:38

god damn mother fucker: sure, nothing's been happening. at least we have a good reason.

The Prince is Giving a Ball

posted by oZ, 2003-09-17 at 12:23

Fucking your mother at light speed!: outZider is announcing a bit of possible downtime today, and honing the fine art of begging. [Updated 8:15 pm CT]

Ingested Plastic

posted by nevir, 2003-09-11 at 13:48

Free MAGIC DECODER RING insidethiscolumn!: nevir has a tendency to do things like... well... innocently fight the tyranny of general mills.

Beyond the Red Door

posted by Kai, 2003-01-06 at 15:27

This was a school once.: A story of the great war, an anti-utopian view of our future.

As Whatthefuck Turns

posted by Kai and Poae, 2003-01-03 at 15:39

Part Two: A Shortcut to Mushrooms: Penelope plays a little Mario Brothers and Kevin discovers that his lightsabre is fun in this new episode of As Whatthefuck Turns...

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2002-12-19 at 13:11

The Subjugation of the Subjugated: a reflection of balance, in finances, government, and corporate presence.

Beyond the Red Door

posted by Kai, 2002-12-18 at 18:20

the countdown to target acquisition.

Toward the Within

posted by poae, 2002-11-03 at 16:00

Females: poae unlocks a few secrets about females. the males thought they knew this, and the females won't admit to any of it. you be the judge.

The Muppet Show

posted by ironkitten82, 2002-08-29 at 14:25

A society like no other: Kit shares her views on 1337ness. w00t.

As Whatthefuck Turns

posted by Kai and Poae, 2002-08-25 at 21:56

The Introduction: A www.whatthefuck.com soap opera "bursts" onto the scene, replacing the wide and gaping void that The Watcher left behind. Should they stay or should they go?

the state of the internet

posted by oZ, 2002-08-21 at 22:40

who's your cremepuff?: oZ returns with his semi-regular, drug and alcohol induced update on what's new in the land of Q.

Beyond the Red Door

posted by Kai, 2002-08-20 at 20:09

Stare at your shoes, kick a few rocks, because it's happy fun time with Kai!

Toward the Within

posted by poae, 2002-07-18 at 22:18

Friends with Benefits... and how to get it for free.: poae delivers her own bit of expanded advice regarding worry free intercourse among friends and acquaintances.

There's No Mystery Here...

posted by enigma.xi, 2002-07-09 at 16:50

By the Hands of Great Men: enigma.xi reenters the columnist race with a commentary on the recent issues affecting the catholic church.

Beyond the Red Door

posted by Kai, 2002-06-25 at 12:57

Starvation- a Metaphor So Thick You Could Choke on It: A seemingly harmless "experiment" going much further than anyone has expected.

Nobody Ever Expects the Headbutt

posted by smokesnotes, 2002-06-17 at 15:26

What to do about the ever rising n00b epidemic: smokesnotes takes the whatthefuck.com chat n00bs head on in a fight to save sanity and readability in our favorite realtime bar.

Toward the Within

posted by poae, 2002-06-09 at 20:05

Cake; to eat... or not to eat... that is the question.: poae surveys the population of whatthefuck.com trying to find the secrets between men and women.

the state of the internet

posted by oZ, 2002-06-07 at 18:10

taking q from the back side: from the back side: outZider busts it out with a board update, donation information, a little downtime, and a brand spankin' new administrator.

Beyond the Red Door

posted by Kai, 2002-06-06 at 12:46

Rollercoaster Friday: Kai is entering the columnist running with a deviation from his former work. Focusing on fictional work tied to his persona but not necessarily related to him, he proves his knack for writing once again.

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2002-06-03 at 12:07

There is nothing lying between what is good and what is evil: ripe-with-decay returns, discussing individuality and the constantly moving target of 'being normal' in today's society.

whatthefuck.com roundtable followup

posted by oZ, 2002-05-31 at 14:27

kickin' it old school: see the transcript of last night's discussion; whether you weren't there, got pissed off, too tired, or were just plain lazy.

Ingested Plastic

posted by nevir, 2002-02-21 at 15:36

Can You Hear the Ringing?: nevir runs off on another drunken tangent. this time, it's something he might know about: Drinking.

Whatthefuck is wrong with Kansas?

posted by zair, 2002-02-15 at 15:32

zair gives it another go regarding schooling, the internet, and copying another's work.

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2002-02-12 at 13:01

The Beginning of the End, the End of the Now: ripe-with-decay explores our inherent obsession with the present combined with our ignorance of what's coming ahead.

Ingested Plastic

posted by nevir, 2001-12-18 at 01:55

Take It All, Bitch.: Take It All, Bitch: nevir discusses the fine art of theft.

There's No Mystery Here...

posted by enigma.xi, 2001-11-14 at 13:16

The Burden of Proof: by picking through cause and effect, enigma.xi explains and justifies the united states' attack on the taliban, afghanistan, osama bin laden, and the al qaeda.

the future of our community...

posted by oZ, 2001-11-07 at 22:33

or, How To Piss Everyone Off!: outZider quells the rumors, spells, noisemakers and party poopers in this fun filled adventure we call www.whatthefuck.com

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2001-10-15 at 13:04

People who are bleeding profusely from their butts, and riding on public buses, are generally going to be having bigger problems than anthrax.: smjor discusses the latest scare, and moves on with the problems in her 'regular' way.

Ingested Plastic

posted by nevir, 2001-10-14 at 20:48

Nevir Judge a Book by its Lover!: nevir, fearing a long and thoughtful column, discusses (loosely) the merits of his top five books of all time.

There's No Mystery Here...

posted by enigma.xi, 2001-10-12 at 13:23

The State of the Free World Address...: enigma.xi explores the recent attacks on america, offering discussion, compassion, and theory to the chaos.

whatthefuck did they just do?

posted by oZ, 2001-09-12 at 20:06

comments in the aftermath of a tragedy...: outZider decided he needed to say something, and since he's an admin, he's going to be an asshole and post it here anyway.

Second Genesis

posted by Grey Warden, 2001-08-29 at 00:10

The story of whatthefuck.com: The story of whatthefuck.com: Let's take it from the top...

Left. Left. Left, right, left.

posted by homeslice, 2001-08-29 at 00:09

vote now!
homeslice takes us on a little political commentary regarding the recent tax cuts in the united states.

The Fifth Day

posted by enigma.xi, 2001-08-29 at 00:07

vote now!
enigma.xi explores the so-called progression of mankind into God.

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2001-08-29 at 00:05

Children are like pets, except that you get arrested if they die.:
Smjor brings you: Children are like pets, except that you get arrested if they die.

Ingested Plastic

posted by nevir, 2001-08-28 at 23:47

Oh my god, that is a good muffin!: vote now!
Oh my god, that is a good muffin! -- nevir takes a tangent and runs with it. quickly.

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2001-04-11 at 22:23

wanting to be something...

Me, yourself, and us

posted by schizoid, 2001-03-31 at 19:12

a gesture of thanks, to a stranger...: a gesture of thanks, to a stranger...

Rays of Light in the Darkest Storm

posted by oklyptus, 2001-03-30 at 18:00

why would one live a life of solitude?: why would one live a life of solitude?

On the meaning of life and electrostatic discharges.

posted by verge_the_homilist, 2001-01-26 at 18:54

my last column: my last column

From My Perspective

posted by ahzrei, 2001-01-26 at 18:25

The History of Grammar: The History of Grammar

Rays of Light in the Darkest Storm

posted by oklyptus, 2001-01-16 at 12:23

What Words Cannot Describe: What Words Cannot Describe

From My Perspective

posted by ahzrei, 2001-01-16 at 12:20

Collegiate Idiocy: Collegiate Idiocy

Me, yourself, and us

posted by schizoid, 2000-12-13 at 20:28

No going back: No going back

From My Perspective

posted by ahzrei, 2000-12-09 at 07:11

Inspiration: Inspiration

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-12-03 at 12:39

Acceptance? Freedom?: Acceptance? Freedom?

On the meaning of life and electrostatic discharges.

posted by verge_the_homilist, 2000-12-02 at 07:54

i present to you the dark madness that is phlux: i present to you the dark madness that is phlux

Ingested Plastic

posted by nevir, 2000-11-30 at 20:22

What the Love?: What the Love?

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-11-28 at 16:45

The Last Straw

Rays of Light in the Darkest Storm

posted by oklyptus, 2000-11-26 at 11:51

Footprints in the Snow: Footprints in the Snow

On the meaning of life and electrostatic discharges.

posted by verge_the_homilist, 2000-11-22 at 13:37

Sixth Stage: Realization: Sixth Stage: Realization

Left. Left. Left, right, left.

posted by homeslice, 2000-11-21 at 13:05

Religion: Thank God I'm an Agnostic

Me, yourself, and us

posted by schizoid, 2000-11-16 at 13:55

Back to basics: Back to basics

Rays of Light in the Darkest Storm

posted by oklyptus, 2000-11-11 at 19:38

We Suffer, Therefore We Are: We Suffer, Therefore We Are

On the meaning of life and electrostatic discharges.

posted by verge_the_homilist, 2000-11-09 at 19:44

the sacred domain: the sacred domain

From My Perspective

posted by ahzrei, 2000-11-06 at 18:17

why i didnt vote: why i didnt vote

From My Perspective

posted by ahzrei, 2000-11-06 at 18:17

The 05 November 2000 #General Discussion Thread: The 05 November 2000 #General Discussion Thread

Rays of Light in the Darkest Storm

posted by oklyptus, 2000-11-02 at 18:58

Sailing Liquid Blackness, the Sea of Sheer Beauty: Sailing Liquid Blackness, the Sea of Sheer Beauty

Me, yourself, and us

posted by schizoid, 2000-10-29 at 17:33

Hope and Happiness: Hope and Happiness

From My Perspective

posted by ahzrei, 2000-10-28 at 12:24

Ranting Against College: and yes, we pay for this.

Rays of Light in the Darkest Storm

posted by oklyptus, 2000-10-25 at 20:58

Will the Idiocy of This World ever Stop?: Will the Idiocy of This World ever Stop?

On the meaning of life and electrostatic discharges.

posted by verge_the_homilist, 2000-10-21 at 10:25

the meaning of life: the meaning of life

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-10-20 at 15:05

Rinse, lather, repeat, ad infinitum...

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-10-16 at 16:23

Special Report: Special Report

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-10-16 at 16:23

Soliloquy of Chaos: Soliloquy of Chaos

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-09-29 at 11:00

God no! Not the buttworms!: God no! Not the buttworms!

Escape your world... enter mine!

posted by xerent, 2000-09-28 at 10:55

The 2000 Olympics are upon us. So?

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-09-19 at 13:15

Virgin Mary, fucking hail thee!: Virgin Mary, fucking hail thee!

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-09-18 at 10:30

He couldn't believe how easy it was... he put the gun into his face...

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-09-11 at 10:45

I see the light... it burns!: I see the light... it burns!

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-09-07 at 07:09

Ripe (With Decay): #11 - Ripe (With Decay)

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-08-30 at 09:36

Smjor Uber Alles!: Smjor Uber Alles!

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-08-10 at 10:51

The Big Come Down.: #10 - The Big Come Down.

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-07-27 at 07:55

It melts with your own body heat!: we proudly present a new and improved column from our lovely advice columnist, Smjor! "It melts with your own body heat!"

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-07-25 at 14:05

kai ponders where home really is...

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-07-24 at 21:48

"...we should be on our guard not to overestimate science and scientific methods when it is a question of human problems..."

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-07-09 at 09:46

Delusions of Mediocrity takes you Into the Void.

Escape your world... enter mine!

posted by xerent, 2000-07-09 at 09:40

Xerent enters the realm of Capital Punishment...

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-06-27 at 10:06

:: insert obscenity here ::: :: insert obscenity here ::: Smjor arrives again, pissed off, bitter, and ready for more of your problems.

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-06-26 at 16:02

the redemption of the asshole.

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-06-21 at 16:50

"It's alright to feel good...it's alright for nothing to be wrong. The deepest dream that we have could be tomorrow's song."

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-06-12 at 10:45

kai returns with a descent into being alone.

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-06-02 at 14:10

Got NIN? (version 2.2): Got NIN? (version 2.2)

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-06-01 at 08:12

kai brings us a story of transformation, winning, and losing.

wtf goes to 93X-Fest

posted by Grey Warden, 2000-05-27 at 14:00

Day One of our report on 93X-Fest in Somerset, WI.

Escape your world... enter mine!

posted by xerent, 2000-05-23 at 21:37

Xerent's current rant involves our educational system.

Rob and Dave and Life

posted by rob and dave, 2000-05-23 at 11:38

Sexist Pigs: Rob and Dave return once again, with their own Top 25. Read on.

The Adventures of an Asshole

posted by Kai, 2000-05-23 at 11:37

kai-thedeadassassin joins us as a new columnist, using stories of his life to give some sense of meaning to yours.

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-05-11 at 18:00

Today in the news, Ripe with Decay finishes another semester at school, and Metallica becomes a thorn in everyone's ass.

Escape your world... enter mine!

posted by xerent, 2000-05-09 at 19:39

Xerent joins us as a new columnist, unafraid to give you his own perspective on what's happening in the world today.

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-04-25 at 21:39

"Truth does not need any explanation. It needs only to be seen.": "Truth does not need any explanation. It needs only to be seen."

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-04-24 at 08:01

Got NIN? (The Art of Self Destruction): Got NIN? (The Art of Self Destruction)

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-04-13 at 15:35

But you know, even though you're totally evil and want to kill everyone, you still have morals.: But you know, even though you're totally evil and want to kill everyone, you still have morals.

Delusions of Mediocrity

posted by ripe-with-decay, 2000-04-07 at 21:07

ripe-with-decay does a reflection on his life, and the past few weeks in general.

Smjör!

posted by smjor, 2000-04-06 at 15:35

But you know, even though you're totally evil and want to kill everyone, you still have morals.: But you know, even though you're totally evil and want to kill everyone, you still have morals.

Rob and Dave and Life

posted by rob and dave, 2000-03-21 at 13:30

"Money's Tight, Times are hard. Here's your Fucking Birthday Card.: Rob and Dave are back... Sit back, get a cup of coffee, and click a link. "Money's Tight, Times are hard. Here's your Fucking Birthday Card."

Shades of Grey

posted by Grey Warden, 2000-03-18 at 08:45

Darkness from the Stars: editor's note: grey wanted me to think of something meaningful to put as a description here.... however, after reading this column, i am unable to say anything to match how powerful it is. all i can say is to read this one. it's worth it.