the monday wtf
monday, november 23rd: rumors and jackasses
welcome to the second edition of the monday wtf, where we "celebrate" the inane, stupid, crazy, distasteful, and just plain weird crap that has happened in the past week. this doesn't necessarily limit itself to the internet, or just whatthefuck.com, but sometimes those are the easy pickings. if you'd like to submit something that you feel should be highlighted, information on how to do so is at the bottom of this column, and every column hereafter.
not one of you motherfuckers made a submission, so we're going to try this dry and deep, and maybe you could try just a little harder next time.
this one is a rumor, but it's one of those things that's so close to becoming reality that you almost don't need the disclaimer. in a public display of self-buggering, it appears that mr. murdoch, the head of news corporation and all of its subnetworks, retarded and otherwise, is so thrilled with the idea of fucking google over that they're looking to receive a large sum of money from microsoft to delist themselves from google. i'm so happy you believe your traffic is completely organic, and people aren't so retarded that they enter 'fox' into the search box rather than the url bar. i hope you die.
the sequel to the controversial underage rape and snuff porn "Twilight", entitled "New Moon", grossed $258 million on opening weekend. i have nothing to say about this, except that i'm wondering if the mystical end of the world that everyone talks about happening in 2012 is actually starting now.
galileo, the famous 17th century astronomer and father of modern science and astronomy, is visiting us in physical form. well, at least we'll be graced by two fingers and a tooth. was this the find of a new excavation, tomb upheaval, or the accidental plunge of a drill? no, no, of course not. we're talking some noble shit. we're talking about discovering this odd set of remains in a strange, old wooden case at an auction. oddly enough, this whole process of their removal from his grave in 1737 are fully documented and notarized, and this found set matches the description given in that documentation. what.
in another case of facebook ruining lives, a canadian woman has lost her sick leave benefits due to photos found by her insurance company on facebook. you see, she was diagnosed with major depression and given leave from her job at ibm so she may adjust and recover. the problem, of course, is that these pictures showed her smiling on a beach. she's obviously not depressed. what a con artist.
and, since ending with a video worked so well last time, watch as an officer puts someone's head through a window.
try harder this time, people.