the monday wtf
monday, december 7: breaking the silence
welcome to the third edition of the monday wtf, where we "celebrate" the inane, stupid, crazy, distasteful, and just plain weird crap that has happened in the past week. this doesn't necessarily limit itself to the internet, or just whatthefuck.com, but sometimes those are the easy pickings. if you'd like to submit something that you feel should be highlighted, information on how to do so is at the bottom of this column, and every column hereafter.
thank you to one wtf'er, who decided to actually make some submissions, though without any commentary on why they thought it appropriate for the monday wtf. don't make me start offering prizes, you really don't want what i'd have to offer.
since we missed last week, some of this stuff is from the previous week. do you get a longer column? fuck no.
you still have until december 13th to enjoy the timeless christmas classic, a klingon christmas carol, in falcon heights, minnesota. i hate this state.
there is a new, widespread epidemic across indiana schools, and that is "ball tapping". a recent survey of 163 indiana schools showed 33% of nurses being aware of ball tapping in their schools. what is ball tapping, you ask? some weird new way of scoring a bowling game? a new form of touch football? fuck no it isn't! according to the story, ball tapping is "the act of intentionally hitting or kicking a male in the genitals", resulting in "serious injuries" for students. so, good, it's the whole fucking midwest.
just in case you were wondering if it's safe to hike in northern europe, there is a murderous moose roaming around sweden. so, you know... keep on your toes. or, in this case, feel free to murder and just blame the moose. anyone seen sarah palin?
a man named erik estavillo is suing activision blizzard, makers of world of warcraft. in this lawsuit, mr. estavillo claims that blizzard "continues to maintain a harmful virtual environment to many of its customers by forcing them to follow [World of Warcraft's] sneaky and deceitful practices." these sneaky practices apparently include the time it takes to move from once place to another in the game, and he's apparently very upset about grinding. now, normally, this wouldn't really qualify for a wtf. we all know that world of warcraft players are large, unshaven, socially inept losers who can't make it in the real world, so what makes this guy so different? well, you see, to help prove his case in a santa clara county california court, he has subpoenaed the actress winona ryder, and the lead singer of depeche mode, martin gore. gore was subpoenaed because "he himself has been known to be sad, lonely, and alienated as can be seen in the songs he writes," while ryder shared an interest in the book catcher in the rye, and she can apparently "explain the significance of alienation in Catcher in the Rye and will also testify to how alienation in the book can tie to alienation in real live/video games such as World of Warcraft." good luck with that, mr. estavillo.
america online has started a rebranding campaign, losing their triangle and swish logo for a series of nonsensical logos, combined with a capitalization change to 'Aol', forcing one to attempt to pronounce their name. welcome to phase two of fail.
patriotic people, throw your hands in the air. to help fight back against the liberal media elite, there is a new, white, bearded rapper on the scene named hi-caliber. don't call him a republican rapper, apparently, he prefers 'conservative hip hop artist', as he lends his voice to the retarded tea party movement.
because it just isn't a new week without something stupid to come from florida, governor crist directed people to a telephone sex line. see, he meant to direct parents to florida's kidcare program, but two numbers were transposed on the automated message, so tons of parents were greeted to 'hey there, sexy guys,' instead.
your weekly video proves that jesus is a raisin.